Dads

My daughter, Eden, posted this on her blog recently and I find myself going back to it, once in a while, for sheer enjoyment. It always makes me smile. More and more, society seems to regard fatherhood as optional. 41% of childbirths in the U.S. occur outside marriage. In 2 of 3 of these births, the father is never legally identified. It is estimated that 36% of children in America live apart from...
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Q&A Can You Be Friends With a Spouse You Don’t Trust?

QUESTION My husband and I have serious marriage problems.  We’ve been married for 31 years and basically, I have never felt connected to him emotionally.  We married before I felt that connection, and I naively thought it was something you got after living together.  In my attempts to address this, he has felt inadequate to meet my needs for friendship and love.  In the past he has suggested...
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Q&A Parenting Question

QUESTION I understand the idea of “making it worth their while” in parenting.  However, could you give me some specific examples so I can understand how to apply it?  My youngest (of four) is fourteen–a darling daughter that I cherish.  I have taught her piano for a decade and still can’t seem to “make it worth her while” so she can really progress and come to...
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Q&A Teenage Son with Asperger’s

Note:  Asperger’s Syndrome is a milder variant of Autistic Disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, along with limited and repeated patterns of interest and behavior. QUESTION  Any ideas for assisting our 17 year old son with Asperger’s who is very oppositional? ANSWER  My husband, Chris, has worked with some clients like your son—late adolescence, Asperger’s,...
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Q&A: Husband’s Porn Problem

I have been married 7 1/2 years. My husband and I were married in the temple, both of us coming from strong LDS families/backgrounds. About a year into our marriage my husband confided in me that he was struggling with his faith and did not necessarily believe in God anymore. I honestly thought at this time he would “work it out.” He talked briefly with our bishop about his lack of faith,...
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Who Needs Therapy?

This post is prompted by a comment/question responding to my last post on how to choose a therapist. The very relevant question, asked by “Pops,” was: “Who should see a therapist? These days we get therapy and medication for what would have been treated some time ago with a swift kick in the pants.” ANSWER I can’t disagree that therapy has become, in some circles, almost kitschy (“something...
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ON CHOOSING A THERAPIST

I am often asked how to choose a therapist. My answer: LET THE BUYER BEWARE. Here are a few thoughts. Therapy is not cheap, so it makes sense to begin by checking with your insurance to see if there may be some coverage for mental/emotional health services. If there is coverage, there is generally a provider list—a list of therapists that have contracted with the insurance company. If you don’t...
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Planning Vs. Preparation

This thought comes from an insight my husband, Chris, had several years ago. In the course of his scripture studies, he noticed that God does not use the word “plan” as a verb.  Scripturally, the word, “plan,” is always a noun. “Plan(s)” appears in the standard works (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price) 34 times.  Notable uses of the word include...
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Q&A Does Depression Go With Us After This Life?

QUESTION There are two scriptures that have long troubled me that I would appreciate your perspective on. The scriptures are:  Alma 34:34 and Mormon 9:14. Alma 34:34: Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same...
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The Trouble With Giving Advice

The Trouble with Giving Advice There are at least two potential problems with advice-giving. First, it attempts to move the person in pain prematurely forward to rational problem-solving. Most of us are aware that when in the grip of strong emotion, it’s difficult to think all that rationally, so it’s not really a good idea to consider solutions until after the emotions have been released and lessened...
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©2017 Lili Anderson, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.