Let me agree with the essential need for parents/adults to treat children–and all others–with respect. But I also agree that this is not enough to guarantee a reciprocal respect from kids. I think, as unpopular as it sounds these days, that there is a necessary element of fear in respect. Some personalities seem to naturally command respect. Others may seem too easy to treat disrespectfully, perhaps partly because they are milder personalities and there ends up being no cost or consequence for disrespect.

So I think in today’s world, adults–particularly those with milder personalities–have to make a decision that they will not tolerate disrespect and have a plan for enforcing that boundary (e.g. significant loss of privileges or other consequences).

Even when my own children were very small, I was careful to create and maintain that boundary. If I felt a child was treating me disrespectfully, I would–for instance–say, in a stern tone, “You don’t talk to your mother like that.” If there was not a quick apology and an appropriately respectful follow-up, there lives did not proceed as they had planned . We did not advance until a course correction was made.

This is always easier with young children but it’s possible at any point, though it usually takes longer and requires more energy after poor habits have been established.

Parents have more power than they often realize. Remember, your child is almost completely dependent on you. That gives you many appropriate (never abusive) levers.

Ever since this specific section, I’ve become much more aware of how parent (and authority figures in general) are often portrayed as unworthy of respect, especially with the recent upswing in young adult literature.

I agree with the sentiment that adults need to act respectable to begin with, but even when they do, I think our culture really is moving in a direction that encourages kids to be less respectful of authority, even when that respect really has been earned.

It’s the “what to do about it” that’s the tricky part. To be honest, I really don’t have any answers beyond just “do your best to help them gain a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.” That’s easier said than done, though. Still… one needs to try.

One is that the parent practices what they preach, and the children are around the parent enough to recognize it.

The other is the “fear” kind of respect. I can’t really speculate on where that comes from. When I was working with Boy Scouts, I noticed a significant difference in how the boys responded to another adult leader in comparison to how they responded to me – somehow he struck great fear into their souls without ever lifting a finger, whereas I was nothing more than a comedian, judging by their response to me.