Comments on: It’s Not Just Communication http://lilianderson.com/2009/10/it%e2%80%99s-not-just-communication/ Site of Lili Anderson, Ph.D. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:09:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Stan http://lilianderson.com/2009/10/it%e2%80%99s-not-just-communication/comment-page-1/#comment-27 Stan Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:54:00 +0000 http://lilianderson.com/?p=242#comment-27 Funny the things that stick in our minds. I still remember a few things from seminary, mostly from my junior and senior years (thanks to two, phenomenal teachers). The KTN principle really is a good one. I ought to run that by my kids. They're generally pretty good, but... we all know how kids can be at times. It's very interesting that a mere 15 minutes of chat can give a trained ear a 90% accuracy for predicting longer-term marital survival; that's more than a little telling. It gets me wanting to try it. The 5-to-1 ratio is something my wife and I had heard in a marriage class presented by a couple of BYU professors who live in our stake, and they applied that to parent-child relations as well. I think I've done okay in the marriage setting, but... I still need work on giving my kids more positives (I *know* I'm nowhere close to 5-to-1 with some of my older kids). Thanks for the post. :) Funny the things that stick in our minds. I still remember a few things from seminary, mostly from my junior and senior years (thanks to two, phenomenal teachers).

The KTN principle really is a good one. I ought to run that by my kids. They’re generally pretty good, but… we all know how kids can be at times.

It’s very interesting that a mere 15 minutes of chat can give a trained ear a 90% accuracy for predicting longer-term marital survival; that’s more than a little telling. It gets me wanting to try it.

The 5-to-1 ratio is something my wife and I had heard in a marriage class presented by a couple of BYU professors who live in our stake, and they applied that to parent-child relations as well. I think I’ve done okay in the marriage setting, but… I still need work on giving my kids more positives (I *know* I’m nowhere close to 5-to-1 with some of my older kids).

Thanks for the post. :)

]]> By: Laura http://lilianderson.com/2009/10/it%e2%80%99s-not-just-communication/comment-page-1/#comment-24 Laura Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:13:32 +0000 http://lilianderson.com/?p=242#comment-24 Where I sometimes struggle is in keeping remarks True. Not that I'm a liar, but sarcasm and irony have become a big part of communication in today's world. Of course, this also becomes a problem with being kind. It's so easy to say what you don't mean and expect to be understood - and then get frustrated or upset when you're not. I find it helpful to focus on the actual words you say to make sure they communicate your meaning - and not rely on tone or other means of delivery to communicate your meaning. This has helped me be nicer because it is much harder for me to say something overtly rude. Where I sometimes struggle is in keeping remarks True. Not that I’m a liar, but sarcasm and irony have become a big part of communication in today’s world. Of course, this also becomes a problem with being kind. It’s so easy to say what you don’t mean and expect to be understood – and then get frustrated or upset when you’re not. I find it helpful to focus on the actual words you say to make sure they communicate your meaning – and not rely on tone or other means of delivery to communicate your meaning. This has helped me be nicer because it is much harder for me to say something overtly rude.

]]> By: Anonymous http://lilianderson.com/2009/10/it%e2%80%99s-not-just-communication/comment-page-1/#comment-21 Anonymous Wed, 14 Oct 2009 03:15:28 +0000 http://lilianderson.com/?p=242#comment-21 Thanks to you, Lili, and others who share similar messages, I've started recognizing what an awful person I must be to live with, and realizing that I really need to change. In analyzing why I'm mean to my spouse, I've identified a number of factors. One is that it's learned behavior - it gets passed from generation to generation unless we stamp it out. Another more subtle reason is that I get frustrated with having to explain so many things that I think my spouse should know or be able to figure out. I suppose I assume that she thinks the way I do and has had the same experiences I've had or something. And, unfortunately, instead of handling the situation with humor or just by simply explaining, I react with sarcasm. Ouch! Gotta change! Thanks to you, Lili, and others who share similar messages, I’ve started recognizing what an awful person I must be to live with, and realizing that I really need to change. In analyzing why I’m mean to my spouse, I’ve identified a number of factors. One is that it’s learned behavior – it gets passed from generation to generation unless we stamp it out. Another more subtle reason is that I get frustrated with having to explain so many things that I think my spouse should know or be able to figure out. I suppose I assume that she thinks the way I do and has had the same experiences I’ve had or something. And, unfortunately, instead of handling the situation with humor or just by simply explaining, I react with sarcasm. Ouch! Gotta change!

]]> By: Bonnie Ellingson http://lilianderson.com/2009/10/it%e2%80%99s-not-just-communication/comment-page-1/#comment-19 Bonnie Ellingson Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:33:54 +0000 http://lilianderson.com/?p=242#comment-19 Very good advice Lili---KTN, a very helpful way to conduct ourselves. Thanks for sharing Bonnie E Very good advice Lili—KTN, a very helpful way to conduct ourselves. Thanks for sharing

Bonnie E

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